Sunday, September 30, 2007

Schadenfreude Sunday

"From Hell's heart, I stab at thee... For hate's sake, I spit my last breath at thee..."
Captain Ahab; also, Khan Noonien Sing

We have crummy levees; we've been taken to the cleaners by our pathetic president, our mediocre governor, and our clownish and lazy mayor. Oh, and our football team is 0-3.

The Saints are guaranteed NOT to lose this weekend (Yay! for the first time since last month), so today is the perfect day to revel in others' misery.

1. Here's to all the LSU fans who had to change their pants at halftime yesterday because they had made a mess in them between the hours of 11 a.m. and 12:30 p.m. Tulane stuck it to the Tigers in the first half, beat the heck out of their quarterback, and threatened their doomed dream of a perfect season. Yes, LSU won 34-9, but still . . .

1a. By the way, I find this amusing: if you polled LSU Tiger Nation and asked them whom they voted for in the presidential elections of 2000 and 2004, I have no doubt that it would come out 75 percent Dubya, 25 percent Democratic. This from a fan base whose lives are devoted to a government-funded, free-market distorting institution. These are the same people who scoff at the idea that anyone from hated New Orleans deserves any claim on the American government or the American people, despite our city's destruction due to American-designed and constructed levees.

UPDATE: Congrats to LSU for their new ranking of Number One. It took a victory over a quality, world-class opponent like Tulane for the Tigers to reach their promised land. Temporarily.

2. Here's to the San Diego Chargers, who fired a good head coach and now are complete losers, having given up a lot of points to the woeful Kansas City Chiefs.

3. Here's to the St. Louis Rams, who are 0-4. Serves 'em right for hiring Jim Haslett and Rick Venturi.

4. Here's to Jamarcus Russell, who watched from the bench as Daunte Culpepper played a good game and delayed even further Russell's entry onto an NFL field.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Deutsches Haus Commences Oktoberfest Tomorrow

Have you ever been to this amazing German New Orleanian tradition?

If there is a more inexplicable fest in a more inexplicable location anywhere on Planet Earth, I'd like to see it.

One thing: I've brought kids before, and it just doesn't work. It's just too crowded, and the kids and Dr. Mrs. Clio and (ultimately) me end up having a bad time.

Leave the kids at home, go to this wonderful, wunderbar experience, and enjoy.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Which Leads Me to Ask, How Much Would it Cost to Build Levees on the Moon?

Gregg Easterbrook has this brilliant passage on President Bush's big plans for the moon:

Lunar note: Here's me talking on NPR's Morning Edition about the absurdity of the NASA moon-base plan. Although someday men and women will live on other worlds, until there is a propulsion breakthrough, it is folly for NASA to contemplate a super-expensive base on the moon, especially without a scientific rationale. Using current rocket technology, it costs about $25,000 to place a pound of cargo on the lunar surface. That means a moon-base crewmember would consume about $1 million per day worth of water, food and air, while the overall moon-base project might cost $200 billion or $300 billion. When 45 million Americans lack health care insurance, it is absurdity squared to contemplate taxing that group to spend $1 million per day per astronaut just for supplies on the moon -- especially when the main thing the crew of a moon base would do is monitor instruments, which could be accomplished from an office building in Scottsdale, Ariz. Anyway, after being on NPR, I received this delightful short poem from a listener:

Since we've conquered poverty
And put an end to war,
Since we've now discovered
What this life on earth is for,
Since we've made a paradise
Of this precious, Godly place,
Let's gather all that wisdom
And move to outer space.-- Jim Terr, Santa Fe, N.M.

P.S. Easterbrook also gets it exactly right in writing about the Saints' plight:
Now as to what's wrong with the Saints, ye gods, their offensive line has gone from great to awful. TMQ believes that Freudian analysis of football always begins with the offensive line, and the New Orleans offensive line needs some cognitive therapy. Reggie Bush isn't going to gain many yards if he is hit by multiple defenders in the backfield, as he was on several snaps last night. Tennessee leading 10-0, New Orleans had first-and-10 at midfield in the second quarter; Jammal Brown and Jamar Nesbit, both good performers last year, simply straightened up and stood watching, blocking no one at all, as a Tennessee defensive lineman blew in to force Drew Brees to throw the ball away. On the first New Orleans snap of the second half, three Tennessee defenders hit Brees as the highly paid Brown simply stood watching, not even attempting to make contact with anyone. Brees was sacked and lost a fumble to start the fourth quarter and at that point New Orleans self-destructed; on the play, it seemed like the Saints had no offensive line at all.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Dispatch from Tennessee

Over the weekend, I infiltrated Tennessee Titans territory.

At a Champs location at the mall in Chattanooga, I noticed these displays. Please note that Vinse Yung (thanks, Moose Denied) was not featured, nor was Roydell Williams.

Our New Orleans Saints were in the windows.

Not sure what this means, but it seems to imply a lack of pride.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

Mancuts Set!


Mancuts are set for this Saturday, first ones start at 11:30 and proceed through 1:00. Be there at 11:15 or so. I count Ashley, Rey, Oyster, Chef, and Berto in that number.

To make that many appointments at once, I had to pre-pay for all of you hairy people. Please give payment to Berto on Saturday so that he can promptly spend it all on beer on Monday. I did not include gratuity, so that's up to you.

I am having my mancut at Aidan Gill on Monday at 2:00 p.m., so I too will be purged of odious 0-2 growth.


Tuesday, September 18, 2007

I Generally Like K-ville . . .

Also, the Librarian did what we expected him to do. And I'm okay with that.

But I'm still gonna watch the show, and mostly like it (but partly not like it.)

K ville. (Has anybody discovered a fleur-de-lis key on the keyboard?We have to love K ville just because it's the first show to include a fleur-de-lis in its title.)

Monday, September 17, 2007

Mancuts Update and Nitty Gritty

Okay, here goes:

1. I'm trying to set up the reservations at Aidan Gill. I will be calling Kathleen there with the final count. I have so far: Ashley, Rey, Berto, Oyster, and Chef.

If anyone else wants to add on, feel free.

I need to know what each of you wants (shave, haircut, or both. And none of it is anywhere near two bits.) Post a comment or email me by early tomorrow morning.

2. Gents, unlike our football team, Clio II has in fact been EARNING IT at his boarding school in Alabama. In fact, with unexpected rapidity, he has earned a weekend visit from Dr. Mrs. Clio and me this weekend. This is a very recent development. It would break his heart if I didn't go, so unfortunately I cannot attend the mancuts session on Saturday. Berto says that the show must go on, and so I am happy to make your reservations.

I plan to go on Monday during lunch or after knocking off, so that I too will be free and clear of 0-2 hair and whiskers by gametime.

Let me know by tomorrow a.m. so I can make the reservations.

Thanks, Mr. Clio

How to Fix the Saints (2-minute drill)

NOTE: This is my last Saints-related post until we are at .500 or above. It's not that I won't care until we're winning; it's just that I want to start focusing on other things. I've been too Saints-heavy lately.

1. Fix the levees, restore the wetlands, and stop building slab-grade housing in low-lying areas. (This is the first solution to ALL problems in south Louisiana.)

2. Cut former LSU Tiger Devery Henderson. He has no heart. He has no hands.

3. Use Deuce A LOT more. Stop pulling him out of the game in favor of Reggie or Stecker. We need the momentum and heart that Deuce gives us.

4. Read the riot act to former LSU Tiger coach Gary Gibbs. His schemes result in long pass success for the other team. In addition, ever since he showed up, we can't buy a turnover.

5. Give Reggie Bush a patience infusion. Cheesh, dude. Trust your blockers. Show some vision like Deuce, not like Vaughn Dunbar.

6. Cut Jason David. I'll take Jason Craft or Fred Thomas over the guy with two first names. He's bad. And he's tiny. That's a lethal combination in the NFL.

7. Did I mention "Cut Devery Henderson"?

8. Throw the ball to Colston BEFORE we're down by 21.

9. Throw the ball downfield.

10. Did I mention "Use Deuce A LOT more"?

11. Change Olindo Mare's number from 2 to any other unused number. 2 is cursed for the Saints.

12. Re-sign Michael Lewis. OR give Reggie Bush the Beerman's old number (84), so we can lay this whole running back thing to rest.

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Where's the Hemlock and Razor Blades?

1. Congrats, Tampa.

2. I am rapidly coming over to the Jeffrey the Librarian School of Reggie Bush Theory.

3. Need a post-loss laugh? Read the heartless but hilarious first two comments on this update. (I promise I didn't write them. I'm not that funny.)

I Love These Guys

Remember these guys from last year's home win over the Bucs?

Saturday, September 15, 2007

Getting Close to Gameday

I still still like a whipped dog after that trip to Indy. Can't wait to purge this feeling.

In the meantime, I offer this link to the webpage of one of Clio IV's daycare teachers.


Thursday, September 13, 2007

Mancuts, etc.

Okay, I alienated a best friend (angels and saints and bears oh my) and a favorite blogger with this post.

Look, I was just trying to avoid certain problems that certain bloggers might have when they, let's just say, are married to someone who might not like them hanging out with people of another gender, even if it's not really an issue, and oh I just went on too long on this, didn't I?

But look, let's just call it moot.

Angels and saints and bears oh my gave me the wonderful term "mancuts" to describe what we need to do on Saturday. Look, I can't help it if Aidan Gill is a mancuts only place. I just report the news; I don't make it. (Hey, angels babe, if you were here, you'd be in, of course.) And Aidan Gill serves you a libation before you get the cut.

Anyway, I want to book the appointments tomorrow. So here it is: Saturday, September 22, sometime in the late morning or afternoon, who's in for mancuts and shaves, in anticipation of the big Monday Night Whodat Fest versus the Houston Oilers, er, Tennesee Titans?

So far, I think we have me, Berto, Oyster, Ashley and his son Da King. Who else?

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Supa Saint Tragedy Averted

We already had enough tragedy Thursday night, and then I encountered this comment on Haney's blog. Thank goodness things turned out okay:

Sorry to announce Supa nearly ended his life last night. He was seen throwing himself off of the roof of the St. Bernard Civic Center. Luckily his beautiful hair provided enough cushion protect his inteligent brain from being crushed.

He has the weight of the world on his broad, well-developed shoulders and he wanted me to write his fans to express his sorrow. He feels he let the fans down by not properly preparing the team before entering this blood bath of a game. He feels confident he can right the ship and turn this pirog around. Hang in there trouts.-

Supa's Intern number 3
Posted by: Supa Saint's
Intern Sep 7, 2007 12:14:52 PM

Friday, September 07, 2007

The Day After: Live Update from Indy Airport

Here are some things I learned last night:

1. The Colts played like champs, and we didn't. That was a definitive loss. However, we in New Orleans, the Republic of West Florida, know about meaningful losses. We also know how to learn from loss and how to become stronger as a result. Character counts. Attitude matters. We will Earn It. Compared to what we endured and continue to endure, this was nothing.

2. One ridiculously vulgar and obnoxious and relentless Indy fan sitting right next to Berto and me can ruin all of the goodwill generated by dozens of fun and decent Colts fans. Berto and I were relentlessly good hunored and positive with Colts fans, and most returned in kind. However, on the street I was called a dildo, told to go to hell, and so on. I learned how to treat guests via negative example.

3. The Superdome, the Sacredome, built in 1975, is a world class facility. Want to upgrade it? Fine. The RCA Dome, build much later, is merely UNO Lakefront Arena on steroids, and without the charm. People stand up a lot there because they are miserable on aluminum benches. Indy is getting a new stadium, and I'll bet the Superdome still stacks up pretty well.

4. I learned that what I love about the Saints games are the people first, and the football second. Our crowds in the Superdome are much more diverse, much warmer, and less vulgar.

5. People in Indy and at my conferene (e.g. people from all over the country) were very open to my message about the fundamental lies, broken promises, deceptions, and incompetence being perpetrated by our President, our "Recovery" Czar, and federal representatives regarding their support of a dynamic renewal in New Orleans and on the Gulf Coast.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Dispatch from Indianapolis

1. This post may be influenced by alien influences.

2. I am not making this up: At 6:45 p.m. EST, I walked out of the Embassy Suites onto the streets of Indy. I was looking for a place to eat.

Who did I walk into? Archie and Olivia Manning.

I was dumbfounded, but I acted smooth. "Mr. Manning, it's so good to see you here."

I shook his hand, and nodded at Mrs. Manning.

He said, "Hi. How ya doing?"

I said, "You can't lose tomorrow night." I immediately felt stoopid.

He replied (something like): "Well, we'll see."

I said, "Well, yes, it is your son after all."

And then we each went our way.

I ended up eating at St. Elmo's, which is the same place the Manning ate.

What was beautiful was that I observed Archie and Olivia walk right past Ruth's Chris as they went to St. Elmo's. (You know, Ruth's Chris is run by cowards. Their sizzling steaks are ruined by the disgusting human beings who run the company, now located in Orlando.)

Here's the weird part:

I now understand all those pictures from the early 60s of those teenage girls weeping after they got close to the Beatles.

Because, readers of worldclassneworleans, I have to tell you:

After I shook Archie Manning's hand, I walked very quickly up the street to get ahead of him and Miss Olivia.

You know why?

Because I got tears in my eyes.

You see, people, you don't understand. I was born in 1966. When I came of NFL age, in, say 1975, Archie Manning was God. Even better, my Dad hated the Saints, so Archie was God, the Antichrist, and Capn Crunch (also banned from my house) all rolled into one.

I almost wept in the streets of Indianapolis, because I shook hands with Archie Manning.

That's enough for now.

Monday, September 03, 2007

A Proposal: Preparation for the Saints' First Home Game on 9/24/2007

I may be wading into gender politics on this one, but I have an immodest proposal for gentlemen Saints fans who read this blog, as well as their gentlemen friends.

In addition, I am a Coach Payton disciple, so I firmly believe in one game at a time. I am not making predictions about the Saints' record this year or their future. I only know that they are 0-0 right now and that I am only preparing concretely for the Indianapolis Colts.

However, logistics demand that (as the Saints probably already have their practice schedule planned for the run-up to the Tennessee Titans) we must at least get our calendar in order. So here it is:

Catholics have Lent. Muslims have Ramadan. Native Americans have the Sweat Lodge.

I suggest that a group of us gentleman Saints fans have a Weekend of Preparation for the Monday Night Return to the Dome. It would go something like this:

Friday evening, September 21: On your own: have a cocktail or beer, watch Saints highlights on You Tube or your DVD or DVR player.

Saturday morning, September 22: A group of us amass at Aidan Gill for Men for haircuts, shaves, and general camaraderie.

Sunday, September 23: Co-ed event: Pre-game nutritionalizing. Monday evening will probably be a difficult night for our bodies, particularly organs such as the liver and the vocal cords. Thus, we should plan a legitimately healthy meal together, which would include actual fruits and vegetables (which apparently are banned from the Dome, unless you count sauerkraut). Lots of spring water should be consumed too. Also, just enough alcohol to warm one up. We need to be ready. Coach wouldn't expect anything less, nor would Hollis Thomas. (Meal could also include Buddy D. impersonations, readings from great works of Saints literature, etc.)

Monday, September 24: Game Day. You know what to do. As Coach says, it's easy to get up for Game Day. Champions are made on the other six days of the week.

Any takers? Any interest? If so, we need to get this going now. I can book the appointments for Aidan Gill. Let me know in the comments or via email.

Sunday, September 02, 2007

Something Special for Indy

This pic is for Berto. We're planning something for our time in the RCA Dome Thursday night.

Also, check out this link, a cornucopia of Saints classics.